Who
Put the Bop in the Bop Shu Wop?
What happened
to the Neanderthals
that got us lurkin’ in shoppin’ malls?
What stifled
his great grunts and groans
and got Cro-Magnon shaping stones?
Did the
ol’ lady beg for copper?
Who put that thought in her hopper?
Who messed
with Mesopotamian minds
to get them counting sheep and hinds?
Who gave
them so much to say
that they stamped thoughts into clay?
Who whispered
in Egyptian ears
to make them top dogs all those years?
And how
did they move eight ton blocks?
With palm tree logs? Rope and ox?
As if!
Whoops, flop, bring the mop
Who put the bop in the bop shu wop?
Folks just
don’t evolve that fast,
and who those days made things to last?
Like they
were totally into Math
and ciphered each and every path
Not! Where’d
they get the technologies?
I’ll tell you straight: from E.T.s!
The E.T.s
used lasers to cut those stones,
and didn’t do it to hide no bones!
They put
the Ram in the ram-a-lam-a-ding-dong;
form-fitted the blocks, our genes, the whole she-bong!
Made Adam
and Eve, the Garden, the Snake,
Mary, Jesus, and the whole clam bake!
Tiahuanaco,
Stonehenge: the first computers
that turned us all into chic commuters.
They put
the Bomp in the Bomp Ba Bomp,
gave us religion, the devil, the pomp;
put the
dit in the dit, dit, dit, dit-da
that gave us cities, Wall Street, the Maidenform bra;
gave us
the moon, the planets, the stars,
so we’d set our sights on Venus and Mars.
But what
have we done with their retainers?
Shot the wad. Botched their “containers.”
So now
we’re all Neanderthals
walkin’ slack-jawed in shoppin’ malls.
Lookin’
for Mr. Goodwrench to keep us tight:
golems in Spandex, awaitin’ our flight.
So come
on, you saucer folk, sing us a song;
give us the ditty of Elephop ‘n’ ol’ Elephong.
We’ve been
waitin’ too long to see God’s face.
Drop the masks now; take us to space!
We’re ready,
baby; got tickets to punch!
Give us a call, and we’ll do lunch!
Copyright © 2000 Richard Stevenson
